Proud of our differences, Judged by the same standards

I have opinions. Sometimes very strong ones. And sometimes I voice them a little too loudly. That does not mean, however, that I am wrong. It only means I believe something different.

A good number of my friends automatically discredit me on a number of subjects. Whether this is because I believe too strongly about a particular matter or not, it still hurts. It could even be because they feel threatened by something that is not what they believe.

In any case, it seems to me that the more knowledgeable I am about a subject, the less credit I have with certain friends about that subject.


On one hand, there's my music.

Music is my life. Sitting down at a piano and playing whatever comes to mind. Even more, I enjoy singing. It's the easiest and best way to get out everything that I'm feeling. I can pick a song, any song, and go with it whether it sounds good or not. My emotions are coming out and that's what's important.

Although, honestly, fine tuning a piece until it sounds amazing is what really feels good. Not just learning a song, but perfecting it. Finding what notes I can play with to make it my own, where I need to be loud, or just a little quieter. Which voice to use in my mid-range and where the appropriate place to switch voices comes during a run.

That, to me, is the true magic of singing.

I've been singing ever since I could remember. My mom placed me on a stage before I was mature enough to be there on my own. I remember making her and one of my closest friends stand by my side as I sand "Jesus loves me" to a sanctuary filled with people.

I've learned a lot of things on the way, and developed an ear for music. I can easily pick out melodies and harmonies that most people don't see. In fact, it's a challenge for me to sing the melody of a song I know well. I always want to harmonize.

This ear, though, comes at a price. Not all of the things I hear are pleasant. If somebody is off-key, whether largely or barely noticeable, I can hear it. To be honest, it hurts. The worst is when somebody doesn't quite make the high note, but it's close enough that most people don't notice.

Then again, most people haven't spent years training to hear those kinds of imperfections.

This makes it difficult for me to listen to many kinds of music. I can hear problems that a lot of people can't, and some think that I am "snooty" with my music, and can't appreciate a changing world and society. They discredit me because I hold music to different standards, whether they be "higher" or "traditional" is only opinion, and one that will be different for everybody.

I believe the difference is, however, that I hear things differently, though different ears.

In any case, it is not my opinions that matter. I don't care whether or not you agree with me, you don't have to. All I ask is that you respect my opinions, respect that I have them, and don't try to "correct" me of my "wrongful ways".

In the end, everything is only opinion. Each and every person will believe something different and that, that point right there, is what makes us who we are.

No Title Here

Let me begin by saying that these are my thoughts, unedited. They might be rough and I can guarantee some of you may not like this.

When did it become socially acceptable to be a slut, whore, or pig?

Here is my thought process, and attempt to answer the question.

It used to be that if a girl (or a woman) gave herself away before marriage, she was considered unworthy of a healthy relationship with a worthwhile man. Over the past several decades, societal change has brought about the addition of alcohol as more than a way to loosen up the tongue at fancy parties.

Being in college has shown me one thing: It's all about getting drunk and/or high.

Part of being drunk is that it erases your inhibitors, making it easier to do things you wouldn't normally do, be they right or wrong. Instead of holding back, a person who is drunk will be more likely to follow their impulses, not thinking about the consequences. They are carefree.

You get drunk to get that feeling so you can be free to do whatever you please. Then, when it's all over and somebody asks why you stuffed your pants in the back of a toilet, you can say "Dude! I was so smashed last night. I can't be held accountable for anything weird that happened."

To a point, that's true. Once intoxicated, it can be extremely difficult to harness your actions, and it is hard to blame someone for doing something they were not conscious of doing. However, it was that persons choice to drink in the first place, knowing they could not be held accountable for their actions.

Drinking is used as a way to become carefree, and do whatever you want for a night (or however long one stays drunk).

For those of you wondering when I'll get back to the original question, here it comes.

At parties, especially but not limited to college-type, it has become a goal to find someone to go home with. This is partially because in the morning, you can excuse yourself and not be held accountable.

For men, it is all about finding someone (the hotter the better) to "hook up" with, and finding different women every night (or men, though I would guess gay men stay away from heterosexual parties). This is not new, it has been this way for long time.

For women, on the other hand, it is fairly recent that this became true. They are no longer cautious about what happens, and often no longer ashamed. Sure, they may regret it later, but the fact that they keep going back and making the same choices only proves my point.

Over the years this kind of behavior has become more and more prevalent, to the point where it is now expected.

This is made worse by the fact the majority of women in movies and on TV are sexually loose, unless they find themselves morally superior and most often Christian (because according to TV, being Christian means you're a "morally superior" nut, but this rant is for another time). So when a girl, or woman, rejects sex for too long it becomes more than an annoyance, because it is something they are "expected" to participate in.

Now that I've spent far too long on one point, let me finish quickly with the rest.

These changes are dictated by society. While societal change is good for the advancement of our world, not all changes are good.

It is still "acceptable" for parents and older siblings to want their daughters "first" to be special, with someone they care about (preferably love) because a bond is created between the two that will never go away. If that is true, why is it only true about the first time. Wouldn't that be true about all sexual encounters? Unless, of course, you turn those feelings off.

I won't continue, because I already wasted a bunch of time on the beginning and, frankly, knowing my audience I've already made some of you roll your eyes or discredit me as soon as I said the first words.

Thank you for reading as far as you have, you don't know how much that means to me.

Currently I'm listen to nothing besides the typing of my keys, because the silence helps me think.

I am, however, smelling the delicious chicken and vegetables waiting for me in the kitchen.

Education Anger

I had this long post written from last night about education. I was trying out some of my thoughts and ideas for my final paper by actually getting them written out and more thought about. I was getting ready to publish it but I wanted to read it again in the morning so that I could make sure the post actually made sense, since I wrote it at 7 in the morning after staying up all night.

This morning in class I decided to talk to my professor about my thesis to make sure it would make sense since, while it does legitimately answer the question it's a bit of a controversial answer.

In short, she completely rejected my idea.

So I deleted my post in anger.

And this is what I'm left with.

Enjoy.

So Spring Break has finally started, and it's exactly how I imagined. I'm staying with a friends grandparents, and that's awkward, but they're house is homey and decorated all old-like just as I expected. I don't really know them, which is additionally awkward, but they're kind of nice yet set in their ways, also like I expected.

I'm pleasantly surprised that I'm not surprised by what I found.

Until Thursday I'm just biding my time here.

Sometime that afternoon my friend and I are driving up to see one of my friends, and then this break will really get awesome.

She has horses. I'm so looking forward to this.

Currently I'm listening to nothing. Besides a very LOUD bird that's probably going to keep me up all night.

I have two papers due tomorrow, the first in 13 hours, and I have yet to start on either of them. Procrastination at it's best. The good news is that I've accomplished just about everything else. Besides packing and cleaning my room. The two other important things that need to get done.

Now, for the interesting part.

I have no idea why people enjoy songs that make no sense. As in words or phrases that you don't even know what they mean. It's ridiculous. It doesn't mean the songwriter has some kind of deep insight into the world that we can't understand. It just means they were drunk or high or both when they wrote it and couldn't come up with something deep and entertaining, so they made up some stupid phrase.

Key word: Stupid

/endrant

I'm listening to Hetalia.

Jillian

Jillian was complaining that nobody had updated their blog for a while.

So I'm making a blog post just for her.

I hope you appreciate it.

Also, I have two and half papers to write by tomorrow morning. Kill me now.

Listening to conversations between some of my favorite people.

So, I haven't written anything yet today. I'm feeling a little guilty. So you get to hear about how the last two hours of my life went.

Or you would, if I felt like typing it out. I'm feeling good again, and I'd like to keep it like that.

Arlette told me today (or yesterday, I don't remember which) that we should jam out like the old days when she gets home. I wholeheartedly agree with that. What I don't agree with is her lack of not playing piano lately. It makes me sad.

What she doesn't know is that I will force her to play for me.

Or maybe she does know it. Whatever. As long as she plays, I'll be happy.

Currently I'm listening to the TV and having hilarious conversations with some of my favorite people.

"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."

For the record, I hate Romeo and Juliet with a passion.

However, I can't deny that some of the words in this famous play are among the most romantic to ever be written.

Personally, things that get too romantic make me feel depressed. Not because I'm insane about getting a boyfriend or because I'm jealous of everyone in relationships.

Romantic songs, plays, poems, and movies make me depressed because there is no correct answer or right way to go about it. Everyone is different, and every relationship is different.

Some people have to be attached at the hip, while others enjoy their space and would kill each other if they spent every second of every day with their significant other.

Some people need the physical interactions in a relationship. They enjoy things like hand holding and cuddling. Some people are perfectly happy as long as their significant other is in the same room.

On this same note, there is also the debate about internet and long-distance relationships. Do they work? Can you really be happy when you only see your love every few weeks, months, or as long as a year? Can you actually love someone you've never met?

Is there such a thing as love at first sight? It's possible, if you're paying attention, to pinpoint a persons personality based on your first few moments of interaction if they are being true to themselves. So can you love someone you only know a little bit about?

In order to tackle this question, you need to first attempt to define love. Of course, this can't actually be done, but we can at least start to form some opinions based on the facts that are undebatable.

Is love a sure emotion? Or is it something that you can trick yourself into, knowing that this is a person you enjoy being around and could possibly spend the rest of your life with, simultaneously knowing that love is the emotion you know you're supposed to feel?

Are we so fascinated with idea of having someone "to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do you part" that we allow ourselves to be led into the idea of love?

Is love even real?

Every single person will answer these questions differently and approach their relationship in a unique way.

There is no right or wrong answer. 

Love is complicated.

To close, I'd just like to say that being a person who likes definites, yes-no answers, and white/black moralities, this bothers me. I can't completely explain it, but I feel that this is a fitting feeling to the equally complicated concept of love.

And the truth of the matter is that we, a society so obsessed with finding that special person that sometimes we completely block out everything else, will never be able to find an answer that everybody can agree on.

We won't even come close.

--------

During this post I've listened to Cascada and conversations with close friends.

Angsting

So, I'm feeling a little down right now. Prepare yourself to be assaulted by my angsting. I haven't organized any of my thoughts here - topics are flowing naturally as I think about them. You have been warned.

For that matter, you don't really have to read this. I just thought I'd put it all down somewhere.

To start, I'm going to be shallow. I know that I have friends. Some of them have blogs. I read them. I know they know about mine. Yet they don't follow me. I also know they don't return my texts, or respond when I Instant Message them. They never return my calls, and it's like pulling teeth to get a real conversation out of them. What is a friend, really?

Last week I made a discovery. I realized that, for this first time since I've come to college, I'm happy with where I am. My classes aren't really that bad and I fit in with a group of friends that I love. Of course, only days after that things started to go downhill again. I can't say exactly what happened because of certain people following this blog who might be reading this, but I will say that I will most certainly tell you if you ask - unless you are that certain person.

My last blog was about this, but I feel like it needs to be said again. Music. Singing. Piano. Performance. I love them all. I brought my keyboard with me, but I'm too afraid to play it. I'm not that good, and I want to just sit down and play, not struggle through learning a piece. I want to sing. I want to sing with someone. It is so much more powerful than singing alone.

I'm not done, but this is getting long enough. Maybe I'll post more later.

Right now I'm listening to Jim being his usual close-minded self.

Singing the Blues

I love to sing. Nothing makes me happier than harmonizing with someone I care about. My favorite people to sing with are my mother, who has beautiful voice, and Arlette.

For those of you who don't know Arlette, I graduated high school with her. We used to spend hours sitting around a piano or one of our keyboards and sing everything we could think of. It was wonderful. Sadly, she's been in the Philippines for almost two years ago. I miss her and her voice and her expert piano-playing hands. Even if her fingers do that funny double jointed thing.

I'm sure, in a college of 30,000 or so people, that there are plenty of people who can sing. Somewhere out there is someone whose voice will match perfectly with mine, and we could sit around the piano for hours singing everything we can think of, just like I used to do with Arlette.

I have yet to meet this person. In fact, I have yet to meet anyone that is willing to sing seriously with me. I don't mean someone to sit beside in church and sing along with the hymns, or spontaneous sing-alongs while we listen to music. I want to meet someone I can perform with. Someone who is serious about singing and has a voice to match mine.

I feel like I've gone on long enough, even though I'm definitely not done. Maybe I'll write a sequel soon. Get the rest of these thoughts out of my head. For now, be content in knowing that this is a vital piece of my life that is missing, and I'm slowly feeling the music depression sinking in.

Right now I am listening to some good ol' barbershop. Excellent harmonies.

Procrastination

Okay, I'm supposed to be writing my production paper, but I'm NOT. (What an insightful sentence, I know.) Basically I'm the worst at procrastination.

In other news, I'm off of contacts for a while. The trail pair has a tear and the new ones don't come in for two weeks. I'm a little frustrated at this - it's nice to not have to wipe off my glasses every time I walk in from the rain.

Other than that, there's not really much to say. I'm forcing myself to post so I don't quickly forget about this place. Because I will.

Turning on my white noise so I'll get motivated to write.

Day 1

Way too many of my friends have started blogs, so I feel like I should succumb to the pressure and start one myself. No clue what I'm going to do with it yet, or if I'll be any good at keeping up with it, but I'm optimistic.

Currently I'm listening to the Heritage Singers - my mom lent me a bunch of CD's to load onto my computer so I'm listening to a couple songs from each while I rip them. The best part? All her CD's are from the 90's. All of that good Christian music I haven't heard in forever.

On another note, I'm supposed to be writing a chapter for Dlvvanzor for our story. I've been procrastinating this for weeks and she's probably wondering if I still exist. I should probably do that. Now, while I have inspiration.