Education Anger

I had this long post written from last night about education. I was trying out some of my thoughts and ideas for my final paper by actually getting them written out and more thought about. I was getting ready to publish it but I wanted to read it again in the morning so that I could make sure the post actually made sense, since I wrote it at 7 in the morning after staying up all night.

This morning in class I decided to talk to my professor about my thesis to make sure it would make sense since, while it does legitimately answer the question it's a bit of a controversial answer.

In short, she completely rejected my idea.

So I deleted my post in anger.

And this is what I'm left with.

Enjoy.

So Spring Break has finally started, and it's exactly how I imagined. I'm staying with a friends grandparents, and that's awkward, but they're house is homey and decorated all old-like just as I expected. I don't really know them, which is additionally awkward, but they're kind of nice yet set in their ways, also like I expected.

I'm pleasantly surprised that I'm not surprised by what I found.

Until Thursday I'm just biding my time here.

Sometime that afternoon my friend and I are driving up to see one of my friends, and then this break will really get awesome.

She has horses. I'm so looking forward to this.

Currently I'm listening to nothing. Besides a very LOUD bird that's probably going to keep me up all night.

I have two papers due tomorrow, the first in 13 hours, and I have yet to start on either of them. Procrastination at it's best. The good news is that I've accomplished just about everything else. Besides packing and cleaning my room. The two other important things that need to get done.

Now, for the interesting part.

I have no idea why people enjoy songs that make no sense. As in words or phrases that you don't even know what they mean. It's ridiculous. It doesn't mean the songwriter has some kind of deep insight into the world that we can't understand. It just means they were drunk or high or both when they wrote it and couldn't come up with something deep and entertaining, so they made up some stupid phrase.

Key word: Stupid

/endrant

I'm listening to Hetalia.

Jillian

Jillian was complaining that nobody had updated their blog for a while.

So I'm making a blog post just for her.

I hope you appreciate it.

Also, I have two and half papers to write by tomorrow morning. Kill me now.

Listening to conversations between some of my favorite people.

So, I haven't written anything yet today. I'm feeling a little guilty. So you get to hear about how the last two hours of my life went.

Or you would, if I felt like typing it out. I'm feeling good again, and I'd like to keep it like that.

Arlette told me today (or yesterday, I don't remember which) that we should jam out like the old days when she gets home. I wholeheartedly agree with that. What I don't agree with is her lack of not playing piano lately. It makes me sad.

What she doesn't know is that I will force her to play for me.

Or maybe she does know it. Whatever. As long as she plays, I'll be happy.

Currently I'm listening to the TV and having hilarious conversations with some of my favorite people.

"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."

For the record, I hate Romeo and Juliet with a passion.

However, I can't deny that some of the words in this famous play are among the most romantic to ever be written.

Personally, things that get too romantic make me feel depressed. Not because I'm insane about getting a boyfriend or because I'm jealous of everyone in relationships.

Romantic songs, plays, poems, and movies make me depressed because there is no correct answer or right way to go about it. Everyone is different, and every relationship is different.

Some people have to be attached at the hip, while others enjoy their space and would kill each other if they spent every second of every day with their significant other.

Some people need the physical interactions in a relationship. They enjoy things like hand holding and cuddling. Some people are perfectly happy as long as their significant other is in the same room.

On this same note, there is also the debate about internet and long-distance relationships. Do they work? Can you really be happy when you only see your love every few weeks, months, or as long as a year? Can you actually love someone you've never met?

Is there such a thing as love at first sight? It's possible, if you're paying attention, to pinpoint a persons personality based on your first few moments of interaction if they are being true to themselves. So can you love someone you only know a little bit about?

In order to tackle this question, you need to first attempt to define love. Of course, this can't actually be done, but we can at least start to form some opinions based on the facts that are undebatable.

Is love a sure emotion? Or is it something that you can trick yourself into, knowing that this is a person you enjoy being around and could possibly spend the rest of your life with, simultaneously knowing that love is the emotion you know you're supposed to feel?

Are we so fascinated with idea of having someone "to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do you part" that we allow ourselves to be led into the idea of love?

Is love even real?

Every single person will answer these questions differently and approach their relationship in a unique way.

There is no right or wrong answer. 

Love is complicated.

To close, I'd just like to say that being a person who likes definites, yes-no answers, and white/black moralities, this bothers me. I can't completely explain it, but I feel that this is a fitting feeling to the equally complicated concept of love.

And the truth of the matter is that we, a society so obsessed with finding that special person that sometimes we completely block out everything else, will never be able to find an answer that everybody can agree on.

We won't even come close.

--------

During this post I've listened to Cascada and conversations with close friends.

Angsting

So, I'm feeling a little down right now. Prepare yourself to be assaulted by my angsting. I haven't organized any of my thoughts here - topics are flowing naturally as I think about them. You have been warned.

For that matter, you don't really have to read this. I just thought I'd put it all down somewhere.

To start, I'm going to be shallow. I know that I have friends. Some of them have blogs. I read them. I know they know about mine. Yet they don't follow me. I also know they don't return my texts, or respond when I Instant Message them. They never return my calls, and it's like pulling teeth to get a real conversation out of them. What is a friend, really?

Last week I made a discovery. I realized that, for this first time since I've come to college, I'm happy with where I am. My classes aren't really that bad and I fit in with a group of friends that I love. Of course, only days after that things started to go downhill again. I can't say exactly what happened because of certain people following this blog who might be reading this, but I will say that I will most certainly tell you if you ask - unless you are that certain person.

My last blog was about this, but I feel like it needs to be said again. Music. Singing. Piano. Performance. I love them all. I brought my keyboard with me, but I'm too afraid to play it. I'm not that good, and I want to just sit down and play, not struggle through learning a piece. I want to sing. I want to sing with someone. It is so much more powerful than singing alone.

I'm not done, but this is getting long enough. Maybe I'll post more later.

Right now I'm listening to Jim being his usual close-minded self.